My ego was hurt....
He buys him a TV and DVD player. I bought him a ten dollar toy. I am his mother. I am supposed to be the one that provides for him and gives him things that he wants. Not him. And yet, I was so glad to see the delight dancing in my son's eyes. But my pride ached. I felt like tearing into Randy. I yelled at him, because my heart ached when I saw that my son was much more happier with his gifts than with what "Santa" brought him. I couldn't explain the desdain I felt when I saw Gabe tear up the paper, and the lit up smile that touched his lips. He was screaming, "YAY!" and he was so excited to have his own TV and DVD player in his room. But I felt bad that I wasn't the originator of that happiness. And it hurt my pride to be the one that couldn't do that. Because I wanted this Christmas season more than ever to be the best that my son could remember. And I wanted to say proudly that I was the one that did it. Alone. I understand why he did it. But it still hurts. I was sorry for yelling at him. And I think he understood why I was more than a little pissed, but I just couldn't get that bee out of my bonnet. And I really haven't, yet. I just wish my damn pride would give it a rest and just take it for what it is worth, be thankful to have such a wonderful companion, that would go out of his way to make sure Gabe got something nice for Christmas. I love them both, dearly. I just wish my pride wasn't wounded. Yes, my pride was injured and I only hope that with time and a good dose of love with make it go away....or at least scar over."We are all failures - at least, the best of us are." - J.M. Barrie
posted by The Devil at
1:59 PM
3 Comments:
Again I apologize and unfortunatley I am a little slow. I did just want to help and I knew that with the army fucking you and you not letting me try to help you. I've said it before and will keep saying it until I die, money is evil, I will gladly spend every penny I have to have fun or make someone happy. I unmindfully thought hey this will make him happy and in turn will make her happy, I failed to look at the pride aspect. Though when I saw your face I then thought about it and when you were on the phone it hit me full force. I love you and hope you at least know that I wasn't tryin to attack your pride or upstage you in any way. All I can say is I will be sure to run things by you first, at least when it comes to surprises for Gabe. But I do like doing nice things and I wish you would allow me to do more for you. I love you.
No, it was totally awesome, I just...ugh...this whole being a single mom thing is hard. And it just stressed me out with the money thing and not being able to buy anything that I wanted to for him. I know material shit shouldn't matter, but I see how happy that made him...He doesn't even play with the truck I got him anymore and it just hurt...I just...I never thought or wanted to make you feel obligated to get him anything and when you said it on the phone I thought something small...not something so extravagant...I love you, and thank you.
I didn't feel obligated, I want to. When I was shopping for my boy I wanted to get him a little somethingt but I figured I'd end up getting him something he wouldn't play with but then when I saw the tv I thought hey theres something that he might like and I knew you wanted it for him. Again all I can say is sorry. I am leaving work now to fight traffic. I'm not going pee in the cup so I will see you after I stop at my place...Love you!
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home