My Paper Heart

At times I feel as though I haven't been able to feel. As though I were numb. It seems like sometimes you can feel so much emotion, that your heart just blanks out...like a live death but to emotion. I don't know how else to explain it. It's odd. I found that picture and just felt compelled to use it, because it is how I actually feel. I place my heart outside of myself. To protect it or maybe for it to be ripped to shreds, I don't know. I have put myself out there for a few people. Opening up, letting them in, making them the owner's of this land. Now, I will say feel free to explore, I don't mind. Just as long as you know that I am the true owner of this land. I always will be. I have been in many's arms, but never actually held in a safe embrace. Never had someone that held me and made me feel like I was the only other person on this planet. Until now. He makes me have the "warm and fuzzies" when I see him. He kisses me and I just melt. He touches me, I get goosebumps. When he looks at me, he sees past what I look like and looks into my heart. It's awesome and I recommend everyone run out and get their own personalized Randy. He is just everything I have ever asked for and more. Plus, we get along great, he gets me without me having to have him understand. He just knows where I'm coming from and why I am the way I am. Just like I get him, too. It's great! I am so thankful for meeting Randy. He makes everything seem worth it. Makes the tears, pain, and disappointment feel right, because I can now understand what it is to have something good to appreciate and to cherish. I hope I can make him half as happy as he makes me, I think we'll survive. He is just too wicked to actually describe in words. How does one actually describe an emotion, a feeling, something that isn't concrete, solid...like the earth? I don't know but I just know that I can actually say, I am happy. Truly happy. I have 2 wonderful men in my life to keep me occupied. What?! I love Gabe, he's always been my lil' man...and I love Randy...he's my real man.